People often ask me how to help their children finish their
homework with minimal struggle. For
example, a mom acquaintance I know looked frustrated as she described her
daughter as being “smart”, but explained that she often complained of doing
homework. She described the daily arguing,
the complaining, the bargaining, and the outright refusals. At times, she didn’t even turn her homework
in even though she had completed it. Mom
reported, “I worry she is lazy.”
When I work with a parent clinically, and they describe
their child as “lazy,” I carefully explain that children often like to succeed
and that it’s normal for children to postpone doing their homework from time to
time. When parents describe their child
as chronically “lazy” it typically may point to an underlying stressor. It may also be a sign of something deeper
such as a form of depression, a possible learning disorder, or even past trauma. But this wasn’t the case for her.
In the example above, I encouraged the mother to spend some
quality of time with her outside of the homework environment. Because this mom worked full time and also
has a young toddler, her time was limited.
Spending time with her daughter away from homework time enabled them to
experience themselves in different ways and helped to grow their
relationship. Even 15 minutes a day
helps! I also encouraged short breaks
with either light stretches (wiggle it out!), a healthy snack, or deep
breathing exercises. This can help
compartmentalize homework time and keep kids motivated. What are you doing when your young child is
doing homework? Are you reading or
distracted in any way? Sit with your
child. Kids like to feel their
parents’ presence. This might be tough,
but when your child is struggling with something tough, simply being there is
the help they need. Need something more
than these simple suggestions? Here are
some tips to help your child if they are struggling at school:
1.
Tutors: Tutors
are always blessings! Seek out your
local college. Budding math geniuses are
always looking for extra work. Local
libraries (or your child’s own school) are also fantastic resources.
2.
Please
don’t be afraid to ask: a doctor, a teacher, or someone that will not judge
your child or yourself. School
struggles are common for kiddos who are stressed, this doesn’t mean that your
child is not smart, he or she may just need help in coping with their challenges.
Guess what? Teachers want your children to succeed and I
often find that they are a family’s best ally.
3.
Inform
yourself: Are you finding that your
child might need professional help? Psychological
testing can be helpful to rule out a learning disorder or underlying mental
health condition that may be impacting a child’s ability to focus or
concentrate. An IEP or 504 plan can be
completed at a child’s public school system to determine if any services may
benefit a child in school.
4.
Validate
your child: It is overwhelming to try to focus on math facts when a child’s
internal motor is on overdrive. It isn’t
easy. If you find that your child has a
mental health issue not detected before, supportive services such as
therapy, or even consultation with a
medical professional can greatly benefit a child’s outlook in school. Validating your child may also help your
child to know that no matter what; together you’ll find the way to help his or
her school struggles out together.
