School Struggles

People often ask me how to help their children finish their homework with minimal struggle.  For example, a mom acquaintance I know looked frustrated as she described her daughter as being “smart”, but explained that she often complained of doing homework.  She described the daily arguing, the complaining, the bargaining, and the outright refusals.  At times, she didn’t even turn her homework in even though she had completed it.  Mom reported, “I worry she is lazy.”

When I work with a parent clinically, and they describe their child as “lazy,” I carefully explain that children often like to succeed and that it’s normal for children to postpone doing their homework from time to time.  When parents describe their child as chronically “lazy” it typically may point to an underlying stressor.  It may also be a sign of something deeper such as a form of depression, a possible learning disorder, or even past trauma.  But this wasn’t the case for her.

In the example above, I encouraged the mother to spend some quality of time with her outside of the homework environment.  Because this mom worked full time and also has a young toddler, her time was limited.  Spending time with her daughter away from homework time enabled them to experience themselves in different ways and helped to grow their relationship.  Even 15 minutes a day helps!  I also encouraged short breaks with either light stretches (wiggle it out!), a healthy snack, or deep breathing exercises.   This can help compartmentalize homework time and keep kids motivated.  What are you doing when your young child is doing homework?  Are you reading or distracted in any way? Sit with your child.  Kids like to feel their parents’ presence.  This might be tough, but when your child is struggling with something tough, simply being there is the help they need.  Need something more than these simple suggestions?  Here are some tips to help your child if they are struggling at school: 

1.       Tutors: Tutors are always blessings!  Seek out your local college.  Budding math geniuses are always looking for extra work.  Local libraries (or your child’s own school) are also fantastic resources. 

2.       Please don’t be afraid to ask: a doctor, a teacher, or someone that will not judge your child or yourself.   School struggles are common for kiddos who are stressed, this doesn’t mean that your child is not smart, he or she may just need help in coping with their challenges.  Guess what?  Teachers want your children to succeed and I often find that they are a family’s best ally. 

3.       Inform yourself:  Are you finding that your child might need professional help?  Psychological testing can be helpful to rule out a learning disorder or underlying mental health condition that may be impacting a child’s ability to focus or concentrate.  An IEP or 504 plan can be completed at a child’s public school system to determine if any services may benefit a child in school. 

4.       Validate your child: It is overwhelming to try to focus on math facts when a child’s internal motor is on overdrive.  It isn’t easy.  If you find that your child has a mental health issue not detected before, supportive services such as therapy,  or even consultation with a medical professional can greatly benefit a child’s outlook in school.   Validating your child may also help your child to know that no matter what; together you’ll find the way to help his or her school struggles out together.